he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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