im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
