I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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