I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
