I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
