I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
