Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
