Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
time to smoke my breakfast
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
