the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
