I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
