Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
