I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
