Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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