There was a lot of him and a little penis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
