I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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