A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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