3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
