3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
nutella sex= disaster
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
