Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
