I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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