I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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