I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
