I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
