There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
