watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
