I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
