i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
