I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
