how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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