the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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