smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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