he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this is an emotional support booty call
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
