she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Vodka?
Forever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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