you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
