I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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