I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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