If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
