oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
