There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
