Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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