We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
