Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
