just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize