fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
