I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
