I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
