Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
