You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
