I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
