your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got inside last night via doggy door
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