There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
