i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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