So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
