I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
