who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
