so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to calm my uterus...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
