party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
