just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
