I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
