we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize