It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
