I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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