Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
