hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
