Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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