3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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