so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize