you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
