i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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