Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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