we made out on top of his cat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
