their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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