We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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