I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
