I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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